A wise man once responded to my fearful exclamation of not being ready to reveal my hard work and extend the branches of my professional identity. He said, "you will never feel ready, your head will want more and your heart will remain sensitive to the reaction of others. Heck I've been doing this my whole life and am considered an expert in my field and I still don't feel ready! But when you put your mind to it and do the best you can, you CAN do anything and you will surprise yourself. If you freeze and do not permit the risk-- no risk will ever be taken and you will remain always hanging onto the idea and never experiencing its unfolding."
I recognized this fear-- I sensed it as a budding teen when nearly fainting in front of a room full of guests as I stood before them to recite the ritual into womanhood. I felt it when love beat passionately in my heart for another who never heard the story of my heart or the truth of my being. I felt it when I smoothed my pants, pursed my lips and brushed the sweat from my brow before my first job interview. I faced it when a blank canvas stood before me and the demand to paint echoed in my ears. And I felt its wrath when surviving the conditions of the rainforest as I backpacked through rough terrain and questioned my ability to make it out alive.
I was consumed by the fear, the perceived inadequacies, the anxiety and confrontation of full exposure.
The panic of standing before a large audience never quite abetted despite its completion without a hiccup (never mind the bee that got indoors and decided to hover over the microphone). The man never really knew me nor heard the words of my heart as I swallowed the longing and accepted the interest of another. The interviews make my mouth go dry and my heart skip beats even though I got the first job. The blank canvas seems just as terrifying even after the restorative experience of painting my lifelong home before relocating. The physical threat of complete wilderness never escaped my mind as I trudged through unforgiving landscape encapsulated in a mental protective shield (and a lot of garlic sweat to ward off the insects!)
After my own world unraveled several years ago, I was faced with a strange new reality darkened by loss, with lenses out of focus and a muddy palette of mixed emotions and sticky residue.
Through the past few years, I have tenderly mended the threads, scratched the surfaces of debris, cleared my lenses and brightened up the palette.
I resolved to "grab the bull by the horns" (as my dad would say) and dedicate myself to my life purpose. To do so, I recognized the need to follow the words of my mother, building a strong bridge that would withstand hardships and endure the natural disasters, a crossing that would be available not only to myself but also to the lives that cross paths with mine.
I became determined to make my dreams a reality and to find the intricate threads to weave together new meaning in my life... to give light to an idea deeply etched within my soul.
Destined to enrich the lives of others and provide opportunities for self-exploration and creativity, I engrossed myself in technological advances, mental health resources, artistic and narrative pursuits, networking, collaborating as well as studying studying studying. All this while still seeing clients individually and striving towards healing myself physically, emotionally and relationally with the amazing people I am blessed to have in my life.
I delicately patched up the pieces, introduced new patterns and placed them together to form a colorful myriad where each thread serves to hold together the balance and reveal a sturdy, beautiful tapestry where courage, love and compassion speak through the combined strength of each unique thread.
And here I now stand before you- revealing my new website - my professional services and offerings.
I am aware that there is always more to do, more to say, more to fine tune. But I refuse to remain a prisoner to fear and to ride the waves of our society. I am here to set the first stroke of paint on the canvas, to lay the foundations of a bridge and to capture a moment in time through the lens of my being.
Join me and become a part of the unfolding experience!